Nostalgia

It was a beautiful Fall evening in the windy city. Leave it to Chicago to throw in a lovely Fall day in the midst a burgeoning hot and humid summer. Yesterday it felt like 85 degrees and today it was jacket weather. I had the heat on in the car this morning.

Anyway, you know that charcoal-y aroma that Fall weather always has? The smell of burning wood, pine, and football games? Yes, that's the evening we had. It never fails to bring me back in time. While I was walking Flo tonight (I might explain Flo in another posting) I was reminded of living in Lindsborg, highschool, college, the seasonal depression that always came in late September, etc. Fall was always such a lonely time for me until the last couple of years. I'm not really sure why. I guess it always signified endings - relationships, summer vacation, sunlight, youth, the marriage of my parents, and for me my energy and spirit.

Over supper Dave and I were marveling at how we continually run in to people we know in Chicago in spite of the fact that it is (I think still, right?) the third largest city in the country. In fact, speaking of nostalgia, on our walk from the car to the apartment tonight I'm 90% certain that I saw an ex-boyfriend from Kansas who I know is now living here. He just happened to be eating at the Cuban restaurant around the corner from our home and just happened to be sitting at the same table where Dave and I had our very first date. Weird. And coincidental. And strange. I don't know if he saw me, but I'm pretty sure he did, and recognized me too. Goodness.

Well, I love Fall now, and it doesn't make me as sad as it used to. Nostalgic, yes, but not sad. In fact I believe it is my favorite season. Chicago Falls for the last couple of years have been incredibly long and lovely, and I've enjoyed them greatly. Today was no exception.

We had supper at one of our new favorite places - Le Creperie (sp?) - went shopping for stuff for Dave's trip to England (he's leaving tomorrow on a work trip), and looked at books at Borders. Now we're back, I walked Flo, contemplated the Fall, and just had a chocolate covered Strawberry! The kitties are needy and I need to help Dave so I'm signing off for now.

Oh Shut Up

Okay, just disregard all the whining I did in the last post. Obviously I was not having a good week, and I had considered deleting what I had written, but one of the areas of personal growth that this blog has helped me with is getting rid of shame. I've always had so much of it, and this little writing exercise has allowed me to rid myself of the shame tethers that usually bind me down. I can write about something, feels ashamed, and then realize later that it is all just a part of me - part of life - something someone out there on this vast planet can relate to at some level - or maybe not even, but can appreciate nonetheless.

Right now I am appreciating the fact that I am almost entirely medication free after being on antidepressants for so long. Thanks to acupuncture, herbs, changing my diet, and the fact that I have wonderful people in my life I am now able to free myself of those tethers too.

It has been a beautiful last couple of weeks. I got to visit my family - my wonderful mother, stepdad, 93 year-old grandmother, and was also able to see my new nephew, Evan, for the first time this month. What a lovely baby boy!!! I've joined a new club, ABC (Asian Bodywork Club), which I absolutely love, and am furthering my massage training in that way. I'm considering also going back to school for Oriental Medicine, which I've been tossing around for a while, but I'm finally doing things like requesting catalogues from schools and talking to people that have gone through that type of schooling. I'm so excited and feeling optimistic about the future!

Our kitties are doing well, everyone is healthy (aside from Dave's seasonal allergies), the weather has been beautiful here in Chicago for the past week, and guess what - I still love living here. I really really do. I get angry at Chicago sometimes, but the truth is there is no place I'd rather be right now. It is my city, and my family is here. I've never loved a place more than I do Chicago. I even love the smelly CTA, the people, the sounds, and all of the uniqe and exciting places and people I'm exposed to every single day of my life. What a blessing.

So don't disregard my last rant, but realize that when I'm emotional about something I can't help but let it come out here, and sometimes when I do things get really exaggerated. What can I say? I never denied being a drama queen!