Starting C4

On July 25, Monday, my wedding anniversary, I go back to work at C4. C4 stands for Community Counseling Centers of Chicago. I worked there for over five years and left in October to pursue other interests. Luckily the pursuing other interests part did result in my enrolling in massage therapy school, attending open life-drawing sessions in my neighborhood, volunteering, and working for an ice-cream parlor, a veterinarians office, and Tree House Animal Foundation. So I really think I needed the sabbatical, but its time to go back.

Going back has led to some anxiety and may be the cause of my extremely vivid and disturbing dreams as of late. I guess the fact that I'm returning kind of feels like defeat in some ways. When I worked at C4 we used to joke about the people who were "lifers", those who have been there for years and are probably never leaving. At the case management level, my level, it was especially joked about because most case managers either quit after a couple of years or go to grad. school to get their MSWs, PsyDs, MAs, or what have you. In short, we don't stick around long. The reasons for this are: pay, the stressful nature of direct care, and the fact that most people do wind up returning to school to further their education so that they can have better paying jobs.

Now I was one of those oddball people who actually really loved my job, didn't find it as stressful after a time, and was totally satisfied with the salary, benefits, and vacation time. (By the time I left C4 I had about three weeks of vacation time per year!) However, I always felt the pressure to DO SOMETHING ELSE partly because that's what my colleagues were after, and partly because I really did want to do something else.

Three years ago I applied and was accepted into Adler School of Professional Psychology's PsyD program. Around the same time Dave and I leased an awesome studio space on Ravenswood, about a block and a half from our apartment. Well it didn't take long for me to realize that I could never go back to school for a lengthy period of time (the PsyD program was 5 years) because I wouldn't be able to paint. So I decided not to attend Adler that fall.

I stayed at C4 as a case manager with no plans to pursue psychology or social work because I wanted to paint. This left me feeling stuck after a while because I didn't feel as though I had the energy to create like I wanted to due to my full-time work load, but I couldn't exactly leave my job either because I needed the income in order to keep my studio. Well as you know I did decide to leave, I had to move out of the studio, and I've realized that I absolutely need that income in order to function properly. Dave and I both need it.

To make a long story short, I'm happy to pursue massage school, I have mixed feelings about going back to C4, and I'm very anxious to get our finances back on track by having a full-time job with benefits. My art will have to wait a little bit longer.