Vera Drake

You've gotta see it! What an amazing film. It was "Cara's Date Night Without The Husband" (Dave's at band practice in Bridgeport on Wednesdays) which means a pint of Ben & Jerry's and two movies. I'm getting really lucky with the movies lately. This was another deeply moving and VERY IMPORTANT film. It is especially important for women, as it addresses the abortion issue in a very real, very human way. Though I shouldn't even say that because Imelda Staunton's character "helps women who can't manage" and doesn't use the word abortion at all. Which, come to think of it, it is a very nasty word isn't it? It makes one cringe just to hear it. "Terminating a pregnancy" is too wordy, and too negative also. Anyway, whatever you choose to call it, it exists, it always will, and sometimes I don't think that it really gets any easier for women because of all the stigma that is attached, not to mention the fact that our right to choose continues to be severely threatened. This issue makes me angry so I can't go on about it too long. I just want everyone to see Vera Drake, an excellent film about women helping women because they have to. They STILL have to, but I think that we need a lot of work in this area.

Ironically I also watched Mean Girls tonight, which I also loved. Talk about women not being helpful to each other! Man! It made me laugh, but it also made me so happy to be 30 years old, an age where things like the silly b.s. that goes on between women who are completely insecure with themselves doesn't need to happen and IF IT DOES I retain the right to get the f*** away! I've dealt enough with that in my life, and I just don't need it anymore. I want to be helpful, kind, and real with women regardless of:

-what they look like
-age
-weight
-religious preference
-sexual orientation
-income
-education
-marital status
-any other hot topic (even if I don't agree, speaking one's mind, if it comes from a real place inside, is so much better than not having an opinion at all!)

So why can't we all just get along, Ladies?

Go watch Vera Drake!

Goin' to Alabama!

I just booked a flight to Huntsville Alabama so I can visit my Dad and pick up the car that I'm buying from him. I'm excited! I'm leaving on Sunday, and driving back sometime next week. I haven't been able to visit my Dad since he moved to Alabama a year ago. I saw him at my Grandma's during Christmas, but haven't seen him since. Because our money situation has been very tight, and my schedule so chaotic since I left C4 and started school I haven't been able to visit. It looks like I'll be getting the vacation I so sorely need AND I'll be able to see my Dad! Plus I don't think I've ever been to Alabama so this'll be a new experience.

I found a great flight deal on Orbitz. I love Orbitz. I've been using them for several years now. It is so easy and convenient! My flight was only $129.00!!

I'm returning at my leisure even though I might have to miss a couple of days of work and school. Seeing family is more important!

So I'm anxious to visit Alabama and to meet all of the crazy German rocket scientists at my Dad's church. (Huntsville is the hub of all the German geniuses that pioneered much of our space program. Cool, huh?)

Cool Hot Day

Why didn't this happen more in college? Dr. Bob didn't show up for Anatomy class tonight. No call, no show. Tsk tsk. So I'm home early and I SHOULD be writing my business plan for class on Thursday, but of course I'm procrastinating.

I'm still in love with Meowza the cat. I snuck down into the iso wards several times today to cuddle with him. Of course I'd like to think that I'm his only love also, but I notice that he's as affectionate with other people. No matter. He'll learn that I'm the best mommy before too long! Seriously we haven't decided yet for sure if we are taking him, but I'm truly smitten with this cat.

I met up with some old colleagues from C4 for a bit this afternoon. It was good to see them. It was good to get hugs and to be missed. I loved that job, and miss it very much...

I may still be traveling to Alabama this weekend to pick up a car that my Dad is selling me. Hopefully it works out because I would really love to go. Like I said, I need a vacation. So I may just have to take it.

It remains hotter than Hades here in Chicago. It is supposed to be even hotter tomorrow with a heat index over 100 degrees. I somehow don't mind the heat so much. I have too much going on to worry about it.

Anyway, that's all I have to report on. I need to study tonight, so hopefully I'll muster the energy to do so! Ciao!

Meowza

Damnit. Here I go again falling in love with another cat. This one, Meowza, as he is so unforunately named, is contained in the isolation wards at work since he is new to the shelter and still being monitored for medical problems. He has long fluffy white fur with gray patches on his ears and tail. He is BEAUTIFUL, even though his fur is all matted and dirty from being a stray. As soon as I open his cage he puts his paws on my shoulders and climbs into my arms. He then proceeds to bury his furry little head into the crook of my elbow and purrs loudy and steadily. He acts like he is the happiest cat in the world when he's in my arms. If I sit down he plops down on my lap with me, and will lay in any position I put him in. He doesn't mind sitting on his rump with his back paws up in the air and his tail resting between his back legs as long as he is snug in my arms. How could I not love such a fella? I'm torn because I have three cats already. THREE! Now some people I work with have six or seven, but come on! Could I really manage four cats? The other thing is that even though I love Meowza, other people will too. He will probably be adopted in no time once he is placed on the adoption floor. I've always had it in mind that my next cat would be a special needs cat, or one that wouldn't be likely to be adopted. But then I think to myself, why shouldn't I have a healthy, happy adoptable cat like everyone else? I don't know what to do. I guess I'll just wait to see what happens within the next few days. I get paid and we are planning a trip to Alabama. There's a lot going on. So I guess I'll just settle for visiting his sweet little face whenever I get a chance. For now.

Ringworm Update

I should update everyone on the whole ringworm thing - I have yet to contract it. However, I dreamt last night that I did, and this isn't the first time. So you can imagine how real my fear of any type of parasite or skin disorder is if I'm dreaming about it on a regular basis.

Some people don't get ringworm because their immune systems attack it quickly. I've heard it is kind of like poison ivy in that way. Some people are allergic to it, others aren't. Which, by the way, I think that my history of poison ivy rashes makes me forever paranoid about skin problems. When I was in fifth grade I had the WORST poison ivy rash ever. It was all over my body, and especially in the senstive little folds between my fingers, toes and groin area. I couldn't sleep for weeks, and scratched myself raw.

Anyway, I think that my immunity to ringworm was probably established early on while petting strays at Grandma Fast's house. She always had stray cats and kittens that she fed "scraps". I felt sorry for them because they were usually sickly and cold so I'd hold them on the porch swing for hours trying to comfort them wishing ever so much that I could take them home with me. I remember them having all kinds of problems - eye infections, worms, bite wounds, etc. I'm sure that my little body learrned to fight off kitten diseases.

So I'm grateful not to have come down with a nasty case of ringworm. Yay!

Stress

After a fun, whirlwind weekend with my mom and Ron I am forced to face the fact that this week will be very busy and trying. I have to work my regular hours, but Anatomy class is getting more difficult, I have a quiz on Tuesday, and I have a business plan for Professional Development class to write by Thursday. We are also planning to travel to Alabama to pick up a car that my dad is selling us, and I'm not sure if we will be able to go July 4th weekend as planned because therer are no rental cars, and it is too expensive to fly. So we might be going the following weekend.

I just feel like I have a million things going on at once, that my life is completely disorganized, and that a nice peaceful, restful time for me isn't in the cards for awhile. I would LOVE to be able to spend like a week or two in Alabama with my Dad instead of having to rush back to Chicago, but there is this annoying little thing called WORK to attend to. Shit. I could really use a vacation, but since I have undergone so many job changes recently this just ain't gonna happen any time soon.

I figure at the rate things are going my life will settle out a little in about a year. By then I think things will be somewhat normalized. I hope. At least school will be finished, and I'll have been at the same job for awhile. I'll have some vacation time to take. Dave and I want to go to Thailand so I can study Thai massage with Dr. Bob. I'll write more about that later, but that's a goal I have for next year.

Anyway, I usually get this kind of anxiety on Sundays and I know it will pass. I think having company always sets me back a little bit too, though I'm SO grateful that my family was able to visit! It was wonderful seeing my mom and Ron. Anyway, gotta hit the books before bed. G'night.

Deeply Moved

I just watched My Architect, a documentary by Louis Kahn's son, Nathaniel Kahn. Oh my. Once in a while I see something that really lodges itself within, and moves me to a level that I can't explain with words. It had everything. It was sensitive, visually stunning, and just carried me along in it's subtle current of emotion and beauty. I want to make art. I want to travel. I want to be a wonderful daughter, wife, friend, employee and member of my family. I want things to be perfect...

It kills me how beautiful and painful life is. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with beauty I can hardly breathe. Other times I'm shocked and keenly aware of the ugliness all around me. How can something be so much of both that there is no in between?

I guess this film made me ponder the answer to that question and I came up with - you just have to dance between the two. There's a scene in the movie that sums it up for me where a young boy (presumably young Nathaniel) hops along a narrow waterway, a detail which separates some of the buildings of Kahn's Salk Biologic Institute and seems to lead off into eternity. He has one foot on each side. He hops towards the camera and then runs off along one side of the water the other direction into the unknown. Later Nathaniel as himself roller blades around and around the smooth ground surrounding the crevice, crossing back and forth, skipping over the void and between each side.

One person can't be everything. We all have our imperfections, our ugliness, our beauty. We have to claim them all. The minute we start rejecting any part of ourselves or other people we are denying life itself.

It Isn't So Bad...

...Being 30 I mean! I'm glad it finally rolled around and now it is almost over. Whew. Sigh of relief. The sky didn't fall. I didn't start sprouting gray nipple hairs. My husband and I are still in love and married. I just can't complain.

It's hotter than Hades again here in the Windy City. The a.c. is cranked, but not cooling the place off sufficiently. The cats are passed out on the floor. We finally cleaned the kitchen. All in all today was pretty damn uneventful. Again - I can't complain.

I'm reading Franny and Zooey. I'm missing people that I haven't seen in a while. And inside - well inside I feel like me. I haven't changed too much over the years.

I sometimes feel like I know myself really well, and other times I wonder who the hell I am. I still like the things I've always liked, and hate the things I've always hated. (Though the latter list is getting longer, and the first one shorter.) I still listen to R.E.M., like fiction, dye my hair blonde, hate doing the dishes, and wear dark lipstick. Then sometimes I feel a little lost and directionless.

Anyway, I'm 30 now. No biggie.

Harrison attacks the digital camera...

Changes

Change is in the air! I think it is a full moon, and I can definitely feel it. It seems like interesting changes are happening in my life... I mentioned the whole uncertainty thing - well there is even more of that now, though I can't explain it here. Basically it isn't that big of a deal anyway. I'm NOT pregnant so don't even get that idea in your heads! The closest I can come to that is adopting another cat, and that is a pretty far-off possibility.

I couldn't concentrate during Anatomy tonight, and I've been goofy and giggly and somehow oddly confident all day today. Interesting. I love it when I get into my confident modes. They're so rare!

Anyway, I don't have much to write about tonight. My brain is tired, I need to let the dogs out, and I'm definitely ready for bed.

Ouch!

So I opted not to ride my bike to the place where I am dog-sitting, and instead took the CTA. This is a good thing. It seems like I've been such a klutz these last few days. First the bike accident, then multiple cuts and scratches from work (deciding to pet the wrong cats at the wrong time), blisters on my feet from walking around with my sister-in-law yesterday, and then this morning I fell down the stairs! Haven't done that in a while! It was dark. I was tired, the stairs here are a bit steep and the landing rather slippery. I had to let a dog outside. Luckily I only bruised the left side of my gluteus maximus a little. Nothing major.

It occurred to me this morning (once again) that health insurance would be a very very good idea. I'm getting it from work, but it'll take a couple more months to kick in. I'll be glad when it does. Not only is it a safety net, but I also need some maintenance work. I need to see a dentist for example, and of course I'm overdue for my annual exam.

This has certainly been a trying year. No health insurance, quite a few job changes, school, money issues, and now no car. It feels like I've stepped back quite a few years. I forget how comfortable things were when I worked at C4. There were so many things I didn't have to think about then. Now everything is uncertain. Exciting but uncertain.

I think the combined stressors probably make me more prone to accidents. I remember when my mom was divorcing my dad she went through a period of time (a couple months) when she had multiple car accidents. Divorce isn't fun. Neither is worrying about money, cars and bills.

I'll just have to be extra careful I guess. Perhaps the car is gone for a very good reason.

Biking It

I'm glad I won't have time this week to worry about turning 30! I'm dog-sitting in Logan Square until Wednesday. This entails walking two gorgeous dogs named Sydney and Ogre and spending the night at my friend, Stacey's. The only problem is that I don't have a car to travel back and forth with. Logan Square is about seven miles from Ravenswood, where we live. I'm going to brave riding my bike. This might sound a bit wimpy to my die-hard biker friends (James), but I'm not used to riding like this. I've been riding to work every day, but work is only about a mile away. There's also the problem of having a hair appointment at 4:00 today in a completely different neighborhood, and the fact that my sister-in-law is in town and we are spending time with her this afternoon. Why does everything always have to happen at once?

Yesterday I picked up dinner for Dave and I at our favorite little fast-food Lebanese joint on Foster Ave. I proudly ordered the food, splurged on lentil soup and baklava, then hopped on my bike to ride home with dinner. See, people can get things done on a bike! Well I hit a bump on Lawrence, the plastic bag broke, and the lentil soup went everywhere. For the first time this week I cursed the people that stole my car! I also cursed myself for ordering the soup which made the bag too heavy. I got home and cried for my car and the spilt soup! (Don't cry over spilt lentil soup!) Luckily the hummous and chicken shawarma wraps and the baklava were spared.

I'm grateful for my bike, but life is sure more complicated these days it seems. No more hauling 27-pound bags of cat litter home in the car! I don't know what we're going to do there. Cat litter is too heavy to carry on a bike, and the local stores only sell the crappy stuff. I don't use the crappy stuff for my babies!

I guess it's time to add a basket to my bike. I might as well attach a trailer too! How does one go from a car that has enough space to live in to a bike with a basket? I guess I'm finding out.

Coach Bob

I have a new Anatomy teacher. His name is Dr. Bob, and he's a chiropractor and massage therapist. He is a Chicagoan - complete with the Irish Catholic background and all of the mannerisms that go along with that. Arright guys? You've gotta know this stuff! Books and notes away - you've got five minutes to pass this quiz!

He walks the walk and talks the talk of a coach. He paces around the room, walks behind people and slaps their notebooks, wears sports jerseys to class, and is a big fan of yoga and thai massage. Wait - did I say big fan of yoga and thai massage?

When I first met him I didn't think I'd last five minutes. I've never liked sports so having a coach for an ANATOMY teacher was a bit of a turn-off. I can do without the machismo.

It turns out I've never been more enthralled with the material and the way it is presented. Dr. Bob is more than a coach it turns out. He leads expeditions to Thailand to learn Thai massage. He is a bit of a feminist (I think). And I just REALLY really like the guy somehow and am more inspired than ever to actually learn this anatomy stuff! First impressions are never accurate.

Busy

It seems I haven't had a chance to do all of the things I've been meaning to do this month - call my mom, paint, do yoga, find a tai chi class, clean out my closet, get together with my friend, John, etc. I've just been really really busy. This is what happens when you're in school I guess. I mistakenly had the impression that massage school would still allow me the time and energy to work full-time and get the things done that I needed to. Not so. I spent about 4 hours studying Anatomy last night, and I have yet to start on the business plan that I have due on June 30.

I'm probably going to be picking up more hours at Tree House soon, but I have mixed feelings about that because I feel so stretched as it is. I have two days off per week currently, and this barely allows me to take care of things at home and study to the extent that I need to. I also need to start scheduling massages for people so that I can practice. Dave has been gracious enough (tee hee) to let me practice on him weekly, but I need more variety (and someone who doesn't fall asleep every time he gets on the table!). I also need to start charging a student rate instead of giving them for free. I think I've earned that! I'll ask for a $30.00 "donation". I need to put an add on Craig's List.

The two things that have been bothering me the most are: I'm not able to visit my family like I want to, and this financial situation is probably going to last until I'm out of school. It's the waiting game. This is just the way it is going to be until next year around this time.

Anyway, I shouldn't complain too much. I still feel like I'm doing the right thing by going to school. It is just hard sometimes to put my life on hold. I miss my family.

The Best Things

One of the greatest cards I've ever received was from my friend, Kristen, after she and her husband visited us in Chicago last year. I still have it hanging on my fridge. The front says "The best things in life aren't things" and it has all these little squares full of pictures of "things" - tea kettles, tvs, whirly gigs, stars, robots, glasses, rockets etc. The inside reads, "They're people like you." I loved it so much because it is SO TRUE! The best things in life aren't things at all. They aren't dollar bills, houses, ipods, stereos, cars or even round-trip tickets to anywhere in the world. The best things in life are in front of us every day, and so taken for granted.

Today Dave and I left to go to work and our car was gone. It's gone. It was stolen from the corner of Ravenswood and Sunnyside. Prior to that we had been rushing around, running late as usual, hoping to grab a quick coffee before making our way to work. Neither of us was in a very good mood. We're not morning people. We quickly learned that the car was gone, couldn't get a real person on the phone in the police department, so we walked to our favorite local coffee joint, Beans & Bagels, for a cup of iced joe and a muffin. There is nothing like excellent coffee when things aren't quite right! After that we dug our bikes out of storage, aired up the tires and rode to the nearest police station to report the missing car. I have to say it was one of the more pleasant encounters I've had with police. They let us park our bikes in the station because only one of us had a lock, and we were helped right away. The whole process took about fifteen minutes and then we were on our way. Both of us rode to work on what had to be one of the most beautiful days of the Spring so far.

I got to work feeling refreshed and grateful for my bike. I was reminded once again as I am every time I walk through the doors at my work that more important things are to be attended to. Their names are Poplo, Volara, Shady, Lincolnetta, Brando, Boo Boo Kitty, Marmot, Rumor, Jessika, Humdinger, Kong, Sweet & Sour, Matteo, Billie, Hayden, Ingrid, Heloise, El Camino, Tangerine and Panda, to name a few. There are quite a few others that are out on the streets, injured, diseased, and starving, and can be helped if people donate money to places like no-kill shelters. The thing is that I LOVE being a part of that process. I love that so much more than worrying about how I'm going to pay for another car.

Dave and I both enjoyed how we felt after riding our bikes to work today. We love the fact that even though we lost our car we have each other and the animals, and we are so lucky. I'm grateful that the car is gone. It guzzled gas and needed expensive work. It gives Dave and I the freedom to exercise more, which we've desperately needed to do. It makes life a little less easy, which in turn makes us more grounded in the present and mindful about what is needed in the future.

So car or no car life is good, and I couldn't be happier right now. I got an A- on my massage final this evening, and Elias gave each one of us a small rose quartz heart as a gift. I'm currently soaking mine in salt water to rid it of other people's "woo woo germs" so that the energy I receive from it is pure. Tomorrow I'll hold it in my palm and remind myself once again of all that is really important to me, and quiety let go of all the things that aren't.

Aging

I know most people would laugh about me talking about aging at 30, but I feel compelled to mention some of the interesting things that I've noticed about my body now that I'm no longer young. For starters, I mentioned being sore the other day after having had a massage that was probably too deep. Well, it is now five days later and I'm still extremely achy. I've got new pains on top of the old ones too from doing some light lifting for work. My lower back feels totally screwed up, my pectoralis muscles ache, making it difficult to work with my arms, my neck is stiff, and my calves and feet are achy and swollen. Now I'm quite sure that my body did not respond in such ways to stress not more than a year ago.

My new friends, spider veins, are becoming more populous on my legs, and are snaking their way up from my ankles. I've stopped worrying too much about them because I know that they are hereditary (thanks Mom and Grandma!) and people who have worked as many jobs as I have that require long hours on the feet are more susceptible. My massage teacher likes to point out to my classmates that they need to not put too much pressure on them. I protest that they do not hurt me, but he just lays his hand on my shoulder and says, "I know Honey, I know."

I noticed a new mole on my left had this morning. Age spot? Why would a new mole suddenly appear on the pinky side of my palm? It's kinda cute, actually, but then I noticed that my hands are no longer young-looking, and that they've taken on a certain maternal quality - slightly puffy, not as graceful, larger around the knuckles, more wrinkly. My hands used to be one of my more attractive features.

The belly is definitely different. I've always had a pudgy belly, even when I'm super skinny. It used to be roundish, but now it is like I have a large water balloon attached to my abdomen. It droops down over my jeans and kind of pools at the bottom. I don't have many shirts that currently look good on me because of this.

My face is aging, and I started noticing more wrinkles a few years ago. It also has a slightly lumpy quality now that old acne scars are resurfacing and elasticity is being lost. It probably doesn't help that I smoked for 11 years, but I can tell you that it hasn't improved at all in the two years since I quit. I also see smokers all the time that have nice skin in their 40's and 50's. I don't get it.

My teeth are breaking and cracking. I found out three years ago that I still grind my teeth, so I was given a night guard to wear. Well I absolutely hated wearing it so for awhile I wasn't wearing it at all. Unfortunately this caused my teeth to chip even further, and I now have facets ground into all of my teeth which makes them thin and more prone to breaking. This is deeply disturbing to me, especially because I have re-occurring dreams about my teeth falling out.

Finally for the first time in all my life I have a butt. A nice round butt. My rear end used to be fairly flat and not so noticeable no matter what I wore. I couldn't really show it off when I was thinner because there was nothing there. Now I find that when I'm dressing I have to sort of pull pants and skirts around the pillows that are my buttocks. This I kind of like. I feel like I have something to waggle when I'm feeling sexy and if I do wear tighter jeans I have something to show for it. I just think it's funny how fat migrates to certain areas when I age, like it did with my tummy.

Anyway, enough about my aging body. There are other things too that I'll spare you from mentioning. I'll never have plastic surgery - I don't believe in it - but I must say that I can see myself being tempted. A little nip here, tuck there, Botox please, you know what I mean. And it is so commonplace now.

I want to learn how to love my body in spite of these changes. I want to feel like I have the option of not wearing make-up. I want to feel confident in my skin and in the clothes I wear. I was insecure about my body when by most standards it was great, but now that real changes are occurring and I'm no longer Miss Thing (not that I ever really was, but I did have some cute years), I really long for my physical youth again. Sigh. For now I'm going to concentrate on pampering away these aches and pains and popping Motrin while I'm at it. No serious house cleaning for me today. Nope. It is day off with a book day for me!

The Blues

It is still hotter than Hades in Chicago, none of my summer clothes fit me, I'm working two outdoor street fairs this weekend, and I'm just depressed. Not because of those things, but just in general - downright bummed. My body still hurts, I'm lethargic, tired, and I'm wishing I could just stay home today, curl up with a book, and nap off and on. I always crave that when I'm feeling down. I'm sure I'll feel better, though, once I get to work and am able to get my mind off things. Cats are also really good for cheering me. There's a new cat on the first floor called Porcha. She's an itty bitty ragdoll kitty with a nub for a tail, and one green and one blue eye! She loves to play with toss toys and it's great watching her little body chase after crinkly balls, miss her target, and then go sliding across the floor! Anyway, I suppose I just need to get myself there and get started. I have a feeling that we might have another busy adoption day today. I hope so!

More Thoughts About Money

Thanks Dad and Kristen for the book suggestions. I've heard of Suze Orman, and I think I may even have one of her books. As classmate of mine also mentioned her to me tonight. I'll look on line to see what I can find out. Dad, I'll check into the one you suggested as well.

It has been very liberating and fun to finally say out loud that one of the reasons I'm in massage therapy school is so I can make more money. I want a job that pays well so that I can do the things I really want to do. I think when one spends so many years doing non-profit work it is easy to get into the altruistic mode, and the mindset that money doesn't matter and that doing what you love and what is important to the greater good is all that matters. Well I think they both matter, and it feels great to be able to say that for once in my life I would LOVE to make some money! I told my classmates this on Tuesday and they all congratulated me for breaking out of selfless service mode.

When Professional Development class started I was trying to convince everyone that it is a really good idea to try to charge under market price for massage services. What was I thinking? I had a fantasy about starting a massage business that incorporates some salon services for low-income folks, and to also offer day care for mothers while they get their services. I still think this is a great idea, but I could never have a business doing this. It would have to be a non-profit, and I KNOW how much work goes into getting one of those started up and I'm not sure I'm up for it. I think what I'll probably end up doing is just trying to make a business work through a higher income target market, or work for a nice spa, and then I'll spend my free time doing what I love the most anyway - volunteering and/or continuing to work part-time for non-profits like Tree House.

So after having had to scrape by after I quit my job at C4 I've learned that there is no shame in saying that I want to make money. I want to travel, visit my family, buy nice Christmas and birthday gifts for people, paint, have my own studio space again, and eventually after I've lived a full life, retire comfortably. Isn't that what everyone wants? I don't know why it has taken me so long to realize that it is attainable for me too. (And, I should mention, HIGHLY deserved!)

Sore All Over

I woke up today with extremely sore muscles and a headache. Fun. The soreness is from a massage I received from one of my classmates the other night. Soreness is normal, but this is the first time I've felt it to this extent. It is much worse today than yesterday. I didn't drink enough water after the massage to flush the toxins out of my body so I guess they're running around in there wreaking havoc. The headache is probably also from not drinking enough water and from missing my early morning coffee because I slept in too late. Ugh. I just hope I feel better before class today.

I have two twelve-hour days coming up. Tomorrow I work 10-6, and then I am attending an event for Tree House at the Aesthetic Eye Gallery until 10:00. On Saturday I work 10-5, then I go to the Andersonville Midsommarsfest where there will be a Tree House booth. I love doing the events for Tree House, but I'm concerned about the fact that I have absolutely nothing to wear to the gallery, and the probability that it will be scorching hot on Saturday.

I'm sure it'll all be fine! I need to study before class, so I'll stop for now.

The A.C. Is In!

Thank god. Our air conditioner is finally installed. Even so we have been taking cold showers to cool off. It isn't so much the heat that is problematic, it is the humidity, which of course raises the heat index. It looks kinda thunderstorm-y out right now so maybe if it storms the humidity will decrease a little. The cats are all sprawled out on the hardwood floors. The husband is popping popsicles non-stop. The fishes are even lethargic! I've lost all motivation to clean, other than keeping up with the dishes. (The a.c. just happens to be in the kitchen.)

I've suddenly realized right at this moment that I'm very embarrassed to be boring people with these petty details of my life. I think it is important for me to write in this thing on a regular basis, but that doesn't mean that it is interesting enough to read. I guess it shouldn't matter because it is for me anyway - not anyone else really. I mean, I hope that it helps my family keep up with me a little better, but I started this, I think, mainly because I needed a place to normalize all that goes on in my head on a regular basis. It's like I'm checking in with the rest of the world to let everyone know I'm here. It's a way for me to get out of my head once in a while to kind of filter through all of the chaos in there to find and put down tangible evidence that I'm normal and sane. Very beneficial, believe it or not! I mean, I don't sound crazy or anything right? Okay, now that I've talked myself through that I feel better. On to more interesting topics...

The sheets on my bed are brown. We use purple bath towels. Dave has a brown pair of pants. Dave calls the sheets purple, the towel brown, and the pants purple. And he does color corrections at his job. Hmmm. I would say that I'm the one with the problem, but the bath towels are BRIGHT purple! There's no way I can be wrong about this. And how many purple pants do you see on men's racks? Okay well I guess there are probably quite a few, but COME ON. If you could only see these bath towels!

Something New?

My Massage I teacher, who is also an energy worker, asked me if there is anything new going on in my life. He said that sometimes he senses that a baby is crying and this time when he did we happened to be on break, he looked over at me, looked at my belly, which was partially exposed because I was stretched out on the floor, and knew that it was coming from my direction. He said that the sound of the baby is a metaphor for something new. I couldn't think of anything that stood out other than minor things going on at work and home. Later on he heard it again, and told me that he didn't think I was pregnant, but that something new is definitely happening. Intriguing. I sure hope it is something positive, whatever it is, and that it won't stress me out too much. Thought I'd share that. It might sound unusual, but Elias says things like this occasionally, and I have a great deal of respect for him. He spent two years in shamanic training, though he was raised Greek Orthodox, and is an excellent massage therapist and energy worker. He's also an amazing teacher. Anyway, I'm off to bed, and to hope that my day off tomorrow brings me delightful new experiences!

Housekeeping

Once in a blue moon I get the crazy urge to clean clean clean my apartment! Usually it starts with visiting a place that is a thousand times cleaner than my own. Add some monthly hormonal changes to the mix and presto clean-o! Cat hair be gone! Dirty dishes be gone! Mt. Laundry in bedroom, away with you! Though I spent the entire evening doing housework I've barely put a dent into the amount of work that I actually want to accomplish. Baby steps make a huge difference, though. I now have clean clothes to wear tomorrow, clean sheets for tonight, ice cubes forming in the freezer for tomorrow's iced coffee, clean dishes, and clean litter boxes! Yeah! Now, the tricky part is riding the cleaning thing out until I actually do finish what I want to. Going though all the clothes we need to donate to goodwill, scrubbing the algae out of the fish tanks, vacuuming, dusting, mopping, etc. etc. I wish this mad passion for cleaning lasted longer than it usually does. Currently it only lasts about two days max. Then I get over the fact that I'll never be a neat freak, and I'll always live a slightly disorganized, slightly messy living space, and I'll settle back into the butt-dented futon with a Ritter Sport watching VH1 Classic Rock. I can also then stop judging myself for not being like "everyone else" who seem to naturally be able to keep their shit together - literally. (Yes, my dear Allie cat misses the litter box occasionally, but she's nineteen! Who can blame her?) Anyway, hurrah for clean sheets and a very fun book to read tonight - Good In Bed by Jennifer Weiner. Thanks Leah! I love it! G'night.

Sweat

As usual, Chicago skipped over the nice spring weather and went directly to summer. 80 + degree weather and high humidity. Makes for poor sleeping and crabby moods. I've found that my new deodorant doesn't work much at all, and it's no use wearing the summer-y capris that were so comfortable last year. They fit me like a wet suit might fit a scuba diver - VERY securely with little breathing room. So I'm off to work where I have a sneaking suspicion there is no air conditioning. Ah well, the joys of summer in the Windy City... And speaking of wind, we had a terrible wind storm the other day that caused trees to fall on cars and houses. Luckily mine was spared.

$

Why is money such a hot topic among couples? Why do so many emotions sneak into all discussions about it? I need some advice. Does anyone know of a really great book, program, counselor, or class couples can look into together to help them better deal with money issues? It can't be too time consuming or complicated, and it has to be interesting enough to hold short attention spans. Anything you can offer would be appreciated. Thanks.

Cancers and Their Cats

Big adoption day today at work! I think we adopted out nine cats - possibly a record for a Saturday. It was exhilarating to see them going to what appear to be very good homes! I was also able to do some phone counseling, which I absolutely love, and I think was able to talk a woman out of trying to surrender her eleven-year-old diabetic cat.

The adoption coordinator noticed that half of the adoptors today were Cancers. The two co-workers that happened to be in the room with me at the time we were having this discussion are also Cancers. I have been feeling the itch ALL DAY to adopt another cat so that Harrison isn't so lonely. Um, I'm a Cancer too. I need to look at the horoscopes today to see if there is something to this. Anyway, I also wonder how many Cancers are working at Tree House. I wouldn't be surprised if there are quite a few of us. We Cancers do love our animals, and are very nurturing people.

A cat came in today that was surrendered by his owners after TWELVE years due to her child developing allergies. He had originally been adopted from the shelter and our policy allows them to be returned if they orignially came from there. I felt so bad for him. He was quite understandably scared and angry. Since I've been volunteering in the isolation wards in the evenings I was able to spend some time with him. Luckily he ate something while I was there after not having touched his food or water all day. So hard. Anyway, you can tell that my wheels are already spinning. Dave and I had a long conversation over dinner about it. So many factors to weigh...

Ah well, maybe my horoscope tomorrow will be more sensible! I could maybe use a little rational thinking? A little decision-making with my head instead of my heart? Or is it an on-going Cancer thing? Something that isn't going to go away with the next new moon or eclipse? Like feeling the need to have another child. I guess we'll find out.

Your Bodies

For all of those who care enough to read this I urge you - go get yourself a massage! Come on, you deserve it! And you know if you all lived closer to me, I'd of course love to practice on you, but since I can't do that for most of you please find a massage therapist in your vicinity and book an appointment! Celebrate Spring! Your body deserves it. It is the only body you'll ever have! I am such a believer. I always have been, but am especially now that I'm in school. We learned chair massage tonight which I absolutely loved (surprisingly), and was so moved by the sheer joy I felt while my headache was being gently coaxed away by my teacher, Sara. I thought I was floating. It was heavenly. I loved doing the headache massage on my partner ALMOST as much as I enjoyed receiving. I can't wait to get more into energy work, cranio sacral therapy, myofascial release, and other more specific techniques like reflexology! I love this profession, and I really believe that EVERYONE can benefit from massage. In fact, I would say that with the stress and strains we place on ourselves daily on top of the fact that our culture is touch-deprived and touch-phobic in general, massage is essential for wellness and health for all people. I mean it! Go do it! You'll be glad you did. And if you've had one before and didn't feel as if you benefitted, give it another chance. The first time is usually a poor indicator because your body isn't used to it, and often doesn't allow itself to let go enough t benefit. Getting them on a regular basis is ideal - once a month at least. So do it! And I want to hear how great it was! I want to hear how you felt the day after and when you'll do it again!

To Don't List

Today was my day off. I love having a day off in the middle of the week for a change! I decided to run errands - PetsMart, groceries, pick up paycheck, Walgreens, deal with my student loan situation, and CLEAN! Somehow I managed to spend about $50.00 at PetsMart buying cat and fish food and cat litter, and just a couple small presents for the cats at Tree House and for my own. I bought Allie this super cool heating pad filled with buckwheat that can be microwaved. It is so cute to see her snuggle with it! I think that because she is so old her circulation is poor and she is actually cold most of the time. She has been sitting in the wet bath tub after I shower in the morning I think to absorb some of the heat that is in there. In the winter she sticks her face in the radiator. Harrison and Adat got a few catnip toss toys and a little stuffed animal lamb. Cute!

After PetsMart and the Dollar Store I decided to head home. I called Sallie Mae, then realized that I was about halfway through my To Do list, so I decided to sit down to read. This is never a good idea if I have stuff to do. Of course I fell asleep, and by the time I woke up Dave was off work and it was time for me to pick him up. I did manage to get a few more things done this evening, but no groceries or clean apartment today. Oh well.

I've been fighting a bad mood for the last two days or so, which makes me not want to write in the blog or do much of anything. I think it's good for me to do so nonetheless and to just plunge into life instead of avoiding things, which is what I tend to do.

Luckily I have a full weekend planned. My massage I teacher is going to tutor me at his private practice on Saturday. I'm bringing Dave as my client. Sunday Dave and I are getting together with my co-worker, Elizabeth and her husband, Adam to have a potluck at their house and to spend time with their five cats. I was surprised and delighted to have also received a phone call from Shannon, a girl I had met in the neighborhood a couple of months ago who wants to go to the Drawing Workshop on Sunday! I haven't been for a couple of weeks, so it'll be good, and I REALLY like Shannon and her husband, Rob, and think they'd be really cool to get to know. She is an architect and he just got out of grad. school for microbiology or something.

Anyway, that's about all that's going on here. I'm enjoying my book, but I forget what it's called. A friend loaned it to me. By the way, I'm taking suggestions for good books to read if anyone has any ideas. I'm a big fiction lover, but good non-fiction and biographies are fine too. I've been craving a good biography.

All for now.