Sun-daze

Typical Sunday:
Wake up around 8:00. (Was able to sleep today due to the time change!) Shower maybe if I feel like it. Large iced coffee and either a chocolate chip muffin or a peanut butter and blackberry bagel at Beans & Bagels with Dave. Sunday crossword, or any crossword we can get our hands on in the shop. Finish the crossword then leave. Study Anatomy. Take a nap (very much needed as I feel like I'm still getting that awful medication out of my system. I have no energy). Check e-mail/blog, make myself some tea. Take a look at the Sprint PCS site for new cell phones (mine is dying). Monitor cats. Douglas Fur, Harrison and Allie are ALL on the bed together. Kind of suspicious. I feel like the boys are up to something. Dave doing music stuff in the "middle room". Debating whether or not to make a Trader Joes run. Should go grocery shopping before the week starts, but as I mentioned - I'm having serious problems with motivation. Waiting for the green tea to kick in. Thinking about later this evening. Do I watch tv? Do I try to get more laundry done? And what am I going to read when I go to bed tonight because the book I've been trying to get into isn't doing anything for me? Do I make a Borders run also? I need to call my family, but I'm not feeling very conversational right now, and have a tremendous desire to be by myself. I'm craving stupid-but-scary horror movies since tomorrow is Halloween. Remember to check the cable guide to see what is on tonight. When I typed the word "Halloween" I also got a craving for Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Do they have those at Trader Joes? Doubt it.

I tell myself, "You need to do yoga. You need to get out and enjoy the fantastic Fall weather. At least get your ass off the chair and take a walk. Did you remember to do the litter boxes? Feed the fish? The 12-gallon tank needs a water change. Why don't you like to cook like other people? Why aren't you doing something creative? Your apartment is a mess, and you're sitting there typing on that stupid blog!"

Ah Sundays... I used to call it the Sunday Blues, but really it has nothing to do with the day of the week. Much more to do with how I manage my time away from work and school. I guess, in actuality, I'm just doing the best I can.

p.s. YAY SOX!!!!

ADD - Then Subract!

No more ADD meds for Cara. Nope. I'm not putting up with feeling like I'm flying high and cocky for a few hours only to crash like a junkie when it's all over. Not me. I've done the research. I've tried them. They don't help, they just make me feel high, and that's the LAST thing I need! Funny how psychotropics like Ritalin and Adderall are handed out like candy to "ADD" diagnosed individuals. Of COURSE they help! So does a line of coke! And have you taken a look at the symptoms? I'm guessing 90% of the population could probably diagnose themselves! I'm just especially prone to doing so, partially because of the profession I'm in, and partially because I always believe that something is wrong with me when there isn't. I'm through with trying different medications from my psychiatrist. He's tried me on so many different things, and I've only stuck with one medication, and even though I don't want to take it at all I'm afraid that I will have to for the rest of my life. Celexa. Non habit-forming dinky little white anti-depressant pill that I take every night so I don't sink into the depths of despair that Abraham Lincoln and I are prone to having (see Other Brother Daryl's reply to the last post for an explanation).

I'm glad I tried, however, and that I know myself well enough to know when. I now know what it feels like to take these nasty little things, to think that they are helping, to realize later that its only that you're becoming addicted and your brain is telling you you need more to feel good again. Just plain nasty!

So off to bed for me. A night of sleep desperately needed after the Sox and Ritalin kept me up late nights all week. Sigh. Tomorrow is Friday and I'll make do with feeling like a normal human about to enjoy my weekend. Add some coffee, Altoids, and perhaps a nice lunch at my favorite restaurant near work - Francesca's Bryn Mawr. Subtract those meds, the negativity in my life, and the belief that I must alter myself in order to be happy.

ADDitude?

Yesterday I was diagnosed with adult ADD. Huh?????? Now, I've self-diagnosed myself with quite a few illnesses, but this is certainly one I hadn't considered. I took a test at my psychiatrist's office, he told me it is very likely that I have it, and was given a prescription for Ritalin and Adderall, both of which I am to try to see which works best. I am currently trying Ritalin. I started it yesterday. I was also given the web addresses of several ADD sites and some ADD authors to check out, so I've since been doing some research. I learned that I pretty much meet all of the criteria on the self-tests for ADD. I've been reading about what it looks like in children also, and yep, I probably was ADD then too.

I've long suspected that I have a dopamine deficiency, and have tried herbs for this, but nothing has worked. Ritalin may be just the thing I've needed for a very long time.

So this is very new and strange for me. I feel good with the Ritalin so far - it seems like I can focus a little better, and I don't feel as stressed out as I normally do. I feel an overall sense of peace and level-headedness. I also feel like my moods are a bit more in check, which is why I see a psychiatrist in the first place. It turns out that ADD can be the root of many other problems like depression, anxiety, mood swings, and motivational problems.

I've never believed that medications are the end all and be all, but I certainly see the benefits of starting with medication to even out the neurotransmitters, and then working out the other behavioral/emotional issues associated with the problem. I figure that if Ritalin or Adderall don't help to the extent that I think they should I am willing to try other approaches - Strattera (another med.), behavior modification, beating my head against the wall, etc. If all else fails I can certainly request a lobotomy.

Coffeed

I drink so much coffee on Saturdays I think it puts me to sleep. We woke up early to take Harrison to the vet - he's been coughing, sneezing, and lethargic, and I've been drinking coffee ever since. I usually only drink the equivalent of about two cups, but I drink it slowly and like my Dad, I'm very sensitive to any mood-altering substance. That's why I generally stay away from alcohol and cigarettes, but MAN do I have a weakness for coffee and sugar! (Separately, not together - never together). I have a new addiction also - Altoids. I carry a can with me everywhere I go. I find that they give me the little lift I need during the day when I'm not drinking coffee.

I know this post is pretty senseless, but I'm trying to get back in to blogging again. I miss it, and just haven't had the energy for it lately.

Turning a New Leaf

I'm finding it very difficult to accept that tomorrow is my last day working in Tinley Park with the hurricane survivors. In spite of the enormous amount of stress and driving (and stress associated with driving!) I'm really going to miss all of the wonderful people that I met these past two weeks. There is something about people being brought together in such unique circumstances that makes everyone feel bonded I think. I feel really close to the survivors and the volunteers. All of my clients have my cell phone number, and I intend to continue helping them if the need arises. Another worker should be taking my place after I leave, but I really feel strongly about giving these people some continuity and like I said, I feel close to them. They are my clients, and you don't just leave your clients after two weeks. I want to be around to help them sucessfully transition either back to Louisiana or into apartments here in Chicago. I already helped one family move this week, and let me tell you it was one of the most beautiful and trying times for them. Very emotional. They are forced to leave all of these people at Tinley that they too feel close too and consider friends as well as counselors, volunteers, and helpers. Yet they are moving into a wonderful apartment in a nice neighborhood into a place that they can finally call home. I'm happy for them, yet I hurt for them also. I can't even begin to imagine all that they have been through.

Anyway, I'm back at C4 on Monday. No more hour-long commute to work each day. No more 9:00 a.m. volunteer meetings or lunches with everyone in the cafeteria. No more stress of dealing with FEMA or CHA. I think I'll miss it quite a lot.

Milwaukee

We've just returned from a fantastic weekend in our neighbor city of Milwaukee. It is a tradition that we go there for Dave's birthday to celebrate and to get away from Chicago for a while. We stay at the Hotel Metro, which is just a lovely place. We skipped the art museum this time, but were able to walk around a lot (because for once it wasn't too cold) and shop. One of the best parts about going is just staying in our room, which is always very comfortable and enjoyable to sit around and read, etc.

The best part about being away for a weekend is returning home to our cats and finding them happy to see us! We've been hanging out with them this afternoon. Today is Dave's actual birthday and I think we're just going to stay home for the rest of the day. We may even watch the Sox game - who knows!

Gym Hunting

After weighing myself at a doctor's appointment for two of my hurricane clients yesterday I decided that it is time for me to lose a few pounds. Earlier in the week my classmates noted that I had a minefield of triggerpoints and knots in my shoulders. They felt so sorry for me they offered to work on me this weekend. Then, after work yesterday my stress level on a scale of one to ten was at about a 9 1/2 so I decided that not only do I want to lose a few pounds, I MUST decrease my stress level so I don't have a heart attack in my thirties.

I planned on signing up for Curves right away, as I've heard very positive things about Curves from my mom and a few other trustworthy ladies. I was quite disappointed by what appeared to be a very small room with a very small circle of workout equipment, and a very hefty monthly fee. Then I decided to drive to Women's Workout World, where another friend of mine has a membership. My car overheated on the way there so I was left stranded in an Osco parking lot for about an hour waiting for a tow truck.

If I don't decrease my stress level soon I'm afraid something dire will happen. It seems like this year has been a whirlwind of stress - coming from all directions, hitting randomly, and sparing no one in the Fakes/Dever household. We're ready for a break!

I'm afraid it wasn't such a good idea for me to volunteer to help Katrina people at Tinley Park. Today I wasn't even able to go because of the car situation. The whole thing is mighty disorganized and highly stressful and chaotic, and I can't wait until my two weeks are over!

So that's my life right now. I need a gym. I need to treat my body better. I need a massage. I want a big freaking break from it all!

Not Yet

I'm not ready to stop writing on this thing yet! I may take Leah's suggestion to change the address, but I'm going to stay here for now. I've been working in Tinley Park this week with the hurricane victims that are staying at Tinley Park Mental Health Center. Yesterday was my first day and I wasn't able to meet very many people because it was Columbus Day and none of the other social workers were there. Today will be my first real day at work.

Last night Dave and I saw Daniel Lanois at the Park West. Ahhh. What a beautiful musician he is! It was very moving, lovely, and I realized how much I've been missing by not going to see live music often enough. We picked a good one to go see, though. After the concert we went to Clark's Diner and had giant ice cream sundaes! So I have a bit of a sugar hangover this morning.

Our new kitty, Douglas Fur, is doing well. He's been curling up with Harrison on the futon, and they are starting to play together a little. There's still some territorial wars, but I believe that they are working things out.

Allie has kidney disease and high blood pressure, but is recovering from dental surgery nicely. She had two teeth extracted, which were full of holes and causing her pain. She had to wear a transdermal pain patch for a couple of days, but then decided to take it off on her own. She's pretty much back to her old self now - very cuddly and purring. She starts blood pressure meds later this week. The kidney disease has not been bad enough for her to show any symptoms. We're hoping she will hold off for a few more years.

Work and school have been busy as usual, but I'm coping. I started doing yoga again, which I desperately needed to do. I'm going to be going to the yoga center every week with my friend, Jenny.

Well I need to hit the road so I'll close for now. You haven't heard the last from me!